ishhhh......

geram betul, i thought i am going to post up photo, but i just found out that i didnt format the disk before using it. so now i have nothing to upload and after formatted, i have lost all my pics!!!apalah, im so high in posting something, some pics on blog and now end up nothing!!!god play me....

so what i can do now is to wait another gathering next time, shoot more photos...im really an idiot!

and then, i have someone who has soo many hands, causes some flaws on my camera, shit, double shit!!thats what pay to me for so eager to upload some photos: lost all pics after formatting and get flaws on my cam?!how could this ever happened? why???!!!haiz........

bad luck, bad day on 1st of may!!!

Just drop by

As i cant do anything now, so i just stop by to write something. i think i better get away from here when the volcano erupts, because everyone is getting it when the hot larva spilling out. it is just too horrible, you will get it even though you do nothing, stay quiet, gosh...

one of the factor is all of us having something to be said and nagged. instead of nagging is more like scolding. its just come from the same attitude, no matter what you say, it is real that we are all selfish, too selfish...

we are too selfish to think about the others, wasting the time doing something useless then next grabbing the toilet to take shower when someone is going to use. is like no one fight with you it doesnt feel good...

then, we are too self-centred, we thought everything is for granted. we should be treated well, we should be fed well, we should be thought well, we should be the premium one in others list...but we didnt realise that someone is sacrificing for us, not because we worth for it, it is because they think its worth to be done...just like show on tv, maybe someday, when we loss it, then we will find out how important these things are to us...

then, we are too ego. when scolded we think that we shouldnt be scolded, there is a reason for me to do this. unfortunately this reason comes from our own aspect. everything is because me, me, me...every reason given is because this, that, them...every fault is because he, she, them...

so here comes problem to relationship among peoples, arguing, misunderstanding, unappreciative, hatred...

but what to do? even we say it out, will we make amends to them? will we bend our head down to them???

I am still figuring out how to use my camera

ishh, im totally an IT illiterate!!!till now im still figuring out how to use my camera. its power shot camera, is specially invented for fresh learner, but my sis has mastered it before i do (im the owner, ok??!!) so what excuse should i give?

well, wait till my first picture being upload here, i shall shock everyone (i really hope). anyone has tips in handling camera and taking mesmerising picture, please give me some advice, T.T

besides my 'high-tech' camera, im also an idot in computer, i have no idea to set the advertisement on my blog! i spent about one hour reading the instructions, still dont get how it works... can you imagine how much patience i paid while reading the long boring instructions? and now the only advertisement i have got on blog is from advertlets, which i added it in with help from my sis. im wondering in future time, how am i going to handle computer stuff without help from my sis....i cant be 'carrying' my sis all way along with me gua??

at least i still know how to use my handphone, maybe i should stop dreaming of having a brand new touchscreen or flipping handphone before i expertise my skill in computer and camera things. somemore i dont have money for them!!!

working...

recently working as temporary teacher in one of the sjk, and to be honest i really learnt lots of new things, the way to teach, to talk, to explain the syllabus, to negotiate with little kids and how these kids think. most of the time i would recall my own time, recalling how i thought in dealing with problems (so naive), how i felt when scolded by teachers, how i commented on the ways teachers taught (so lame, waste so much time to teach one topic, or stupid la for teaching too fast)... now im facing it, and its real, sometimes we are forced to use some ways or punishments to put kids on that age to herd to our command, to instill the knowledge into kids' mind...

teacher, really is an honourable job. you have to sacrifice, got provoked, keep on worrying if they have learnt what is being taught...after teaching still have to mark their exercise, with all cakar ayam writing...believe me, its not easy!

kids nowadays have been exposed to too much things, making their innocent mind to be polluted, with kinds of stuff they need not to pay attention to. some of the kids even said the world is going to end on year 2012 (after watching 2012), so what is the necessity to suffer in learning anymore? haha, what kind of excuse is that to skip the lessons? now they know throwing tantrum has no use in bargaining with you, so they start to talk statement with you!really great!

no matter the world is going to end on year 2012 or not, teacher still have to keep on teaching, because this is their responsibility, being blamed by studentsss because for students' own sake. i think this would be the most wronged job in the world T.T poor great teacher...

I must say this...

Am i a good guy?
Haha,actually not.
I found that i just act like a good guy.
A good guy shall have a generous heart, really willing to help people with no other thoughts or intention.
Instead of these, i have a small heart, with evil thoughts.
Someone ask for your help, you say yes, but in heart you say:oh no, not again...
You feel shame to say no, you dont know how to say no, you scared that if you say no you are so bad in others talk, so you say yes
Therefore, you say yes because you scared people say you are bad, you are selfish.
I just say yes coz my own "reputation"!!god, i hate myself...
So, now, the 2nd one.
People are in trauma, getting your advice, you act like you are so pro.
You give good advice, you say we must...,we shouldnt...,we can...
You give typical advice, like you are so good in it, but actually you are not.
I know that i must say like this, not that i feel like this.
I know that i must avoid something so i wont be a bad guy, not because that i wont hurt anyone.
Everything in my scale, i judge it with my own view, so that i will be a good person in others eye.
BUT actually not, i am not a good person.
Recently someone tell me i am a good person.
I am supposed to feel proud, but i felt embarrased.
In my heart i keep on saying:Dont say anymore, no, please.
Coz i felt so awkward getting compliment, i know i dont deserve it.
I do something coz i like it,its for my own good,i didnt do it for the sake of the others.
Thats why i care about how the others talk about me.
Thats why i always want to explain everything for myself.
BUT i missed that i am not the only one who can feel,think,see and judge.
Others have more experience, they have wider view, they know more things.
Others see more, think more, wiser than i can imagine.
So everything i do to cover myself, actually make myself more dirty, more wicked, more disgusting, more annoying, more and more....
So i am sure i am not a good person
So i must change myself
So stop praising me coz i am not mature enough to think and to do
So i need some time...
Sorry to everyone
Sorry to everything
Sorry for myself

好？不好？

不解释，真的更好吗？
其他人能知道吗？
为什么要解释？
是不是因为你正是这样想，所以怕别人猜穿你？！
到底该怎么样？
为什么人那么复杂？
应该是说为什么人的思想那么复杂？
那不解释你能忍受那被人误会的感觉吗？
被人误会的感觉是多么的痛苦。。。
但他们真是误会你妈？
他们可不是笨蛋，他们能猜到，能感觉得到。
为什么他们认为事情是那样？
是不是有任何的前提应令他们那样想？
那还能怪他们吗？
可是为什么人们总是在布置任何情况下以自己的想法套在别人的行为上？
该人真是这样做的吗？
那该怪那人给的前提误导，还是怪自己这样的思想？
到底是怎么一回事？
该作解释还是不该？
为什么要作解释，为什么不需作解释？
为什么胡思乱想，为什么乱下定论？
为什么为什么？
你能这么潇洒吗？
怎么做得那么潇洒？
我不了解，你了解吗？

你是我的眼

我好喜欢这歌词，请注意它的意思：

"如果我能看得见就能轻易的分辨白天黑夜

就能准确的在人群中牵住你的手

如果我能看得见就能驾车带你到处遨游

就能惊喜的从背后给你一个拥抱

如果我能看得见生命也许完全不同

可能我想要的我喜欢的我爱的都不一样

眼前的黑不是黑你说的白是什么白

人们说的天空蓝是我记忆中那团白云背后的蓝天

我望向你的脸却只能看见一片虚无

是不是上帝在我眼前遮住了帘忘了掀开。。。”

最令我感动的，是看似简单的事，对他们来说是不可能。

而他们希望的只是

准确的在人群中牵住你的手，惊喜的从背后给你一个拥抱，我望向你的脸却只能看见一片虚无，可是就因为我的眼，我做不到。

简单的歌词，可是且能打动人心。我最爱的，也是这种歌词。

我听到了他的心声，你听见了吗？